She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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