I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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