Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
