i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
