I'm jealous of your bromance
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
