whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
