Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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