you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
