you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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