Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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