and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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