i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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