just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
