hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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