the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
