i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
