Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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