Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
