I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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