I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
