Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize