You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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