you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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