We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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