When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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