Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
