she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
