Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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