I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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