I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
