whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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