if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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