Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
