Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
