Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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