Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
