Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
