I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
