who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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