it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
