Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
