In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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