Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize