I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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