babies were throwing up all over the place
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
