I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
