GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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