If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
