got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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