no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am one with the molecules
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
