I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
