he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is my gift to your gina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
