I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
