Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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