Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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