Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
