i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
