We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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