whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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