PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
