you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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