You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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