Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh god the rape fog is back!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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