I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
