i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
