Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
