he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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