Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
