i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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