You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
