I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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